living-but-not-really
7.03.2014 @ 09:13
I think I just had an epiphany today.
It was honestly the best feeling ever. I stood in front of the
mirror and oh my god it was beautiful. It occurred to me that: wow I actually
have a life and hair and fingers and I do exist in this world and I am part of
this 7460309489 lucky people to be alive and I can do things like wow roxanne you
can actually do something worthwhile with
your life. And this feeling of sudden realisation was great therapy for me
because I was going through this living-but-not-really phrase and I felt like
spilling acid all over myself and feel the burning sensation go through my
bones but now I am actually grateful and happy to be so GOD DAMNED ALIVE and I think I’ll stop complaining from now because
people do die. It’s not just a movie
scene about someone fictional dying but I am legitimately breathing the same
air as people who are LEGITIMATELY DYING FROM THE LACK OF AIR and it scares me
to death (haha) but there I was, in all my sheer ingratitude, and stuck in this
I’m-dying-inside-but-my-body-doesn’t-know-it limbo. I wouldn’t know if they’d
been secretly in love, or secretly dying all their life, or if they had a hard
time at work, but all I do know is that I was such an ungrateful bastard (for
being able to live TO THIS SECOND AMEN MOTHERFUCKER) and I know I have to be so so so so so so much more appreciative of the
littlest tinniest microscopic details about anyone and everyone because we’re
all alive and incredibly happy and grapes-ful (sorry I figured this wasn’t a
serious post).
Okay my epiphany has ended.
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