hi i'm either really sad and sappy, or i'm suddenly a 25 y/o adult with a mission to get her life together. i'm still 20 though, and sad and sappy but mildy responsible.

this is my diary
awake but not really
8.30.2014 @ 23:49
Last night I dreamt that I was a murderer. I dreamt that my mother was assassinated and my Dad told me to go to Dubai to avenge her. I did not understand. I think I was 20, but I felt 14. I felt lost and terrified and when I got off the plane and landed in Dubai, I felt like everyone was rejecting me. I don’t recall having the ability to fly, but I do remember being able to jump super super high.

I met my cousin at the airport and apparently we bounced our way back to the hotel. When I got to the hotel it was all red – red walls, floors, the staff working there wore red, the bed sheets were red, and basically everything in the hotel was red. For some reason, I went up to the receptionist and told her that I was on a mission to kill somebody. My cousin told her his name and she said that he was killed; or probably murdered, I don’t remember. I felt really happy and I could almost feel my mother’s ghost hugging me. I think I cried while I made my way to his room.

Inside, I tried to find solace in seeing his blood, or dead body; but I saw nothing. All I saw was red and it scared me. Turns out, he faked his death and tailed my cousin to the airport. I turned around in realisation and I saw my cousin’s dead body lying in front of me. I think I jumped and kicked him but he shot me and I felt my lungs deflating. I think I was having a mini Biology lesson flashback and pictures of the lungs flashed through my mind like PowerPoint slides on energizer. I soon gave in to the boredom (I felt no pain and was awaiting death) and decided to commit suicide. I knew I was in a dream, and that’s usually how I dream every night, and I shot myself in the mouth.

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